Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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