Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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