Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
