my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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