Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
