I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
