Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Drunk is a universal language darling
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
