It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize