In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
