why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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