I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
