How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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