Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
