Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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