Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
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