Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
