I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
