So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
