I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
worst night to have a conscience
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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