i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
