I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
