I cockslap morals
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
