I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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