I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
