You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
