He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
