I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
