Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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