Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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