holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
