well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
