Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
