i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
