we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
