Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize