You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
