you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
