I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
