I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
