oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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