there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
