Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
