I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
