I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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