This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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