Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize