Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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