I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
