The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
