I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
