Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
