Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It's blow job season.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Also, beer. Big fan.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize