I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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