i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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