just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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