Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
These tits shall not be calmed
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
PANTIES FOUND
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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