Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
