Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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