That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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