i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
