im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
