; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
