textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
