Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
