I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
