So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Sorry my hands just texted you
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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