Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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