We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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