I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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