Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Ladies don't puke and tell
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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