Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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