So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
ttyl tear gas
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
