quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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