nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
