I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
