Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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