just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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