Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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