I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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