Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
