She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
