I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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