I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize