I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
