9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
