he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
