I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
