I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
