I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
