Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
