Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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