Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
