You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
