She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
