he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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