I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
honey bunches of taint.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
