go do what you do best...puke behind churches
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Four minutes until I can fart!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
