Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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