Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize