i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
