thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
